How would you feel?

How would you feel if the one you love always ask you if want some space?!

What would you feel if everytime you have an argument, she'll tell you that maybe you need space?

Should I stay or should I let go? Am I still loved or not?

I don't know. I just feel numb over and over again.

And it all came to this...

After I endured every way of pain being inflicted on me...

still it all came to this... the point of no return.

I am screaming right now, yet nobody hears me...

I am bleeding right now, yet nobody sees blood on me...

I am dying right now, yet nobody thought I am...

Nobody knows but me.... and the darkness... and the numbness that I put myself into.

It ends here.

A Good Night to Gamble...

Ok, I occasionally gamble.

Last night, there was a wake in the neighborhood so a couple of friends invited me to play Pusoy Winner-Take-All style.

I last gambled 3 months ago so I kinda feel nervous. This is how I gamble, I set a certain amount to gamble and once that amount is lost I just stand up and accept defeat.

Well, not like some who would throw all their money on the table. For me, once you gamble you must accept you have lost a certain amount of money but don't let yourself to lose more.

Ok, I planned to lose only P100.00. In the long run, that P100.00 was already P2,000.00... then it reached to an all time low of P30.00.

In the end, I was happy to win P400.00... not to mention the balato I gave. It was a good night to gamble, I guess...

But tonight, I plan to sleep early. I'm having imsonia attacks and its already giving me a splitting headache.

Can anyone give me any tips so that I can sleep?

Day Eight

Seven days of no sleep is taking its toll on me. I can't think properly. Mental lapses.

The thing is, I still can't sleep.

I am so darn tired doing our website for the whole day, and yet I am only 30 percent done. :(

Sana matapos na ito.. miss na kita.

Day Six and Seven

I spent Day Six at the office. Keeping myself extra busy so that I won't miss my girl...

Does it work?! It doesn't... coz no matter how I try hard not to think of her, the more she gets into my mind. She is already a part of me, I can't deny that.

Day Seven. She called me. She was at the restroom using her father's phone.

I was shocked. She's not supposed to be calling me. But she did...just to tell me she loves me and that she always think of me.

Do you know the feeling of a child who long for his mother... and then the child suddenly finds his mother?! That was the same feeling I got... and all the time all I can tell her is that I love her so much and I miss her. I can't help crying...

Thank you so much for the call. I miss you more.

Day Four and Five

I am already a walking zombie. No sleep. No feelings. No emotions. No thoughts, even.

I just breath in and breath out letting the days pass by...

I spent the two days... well, working on the LGU website, watching the Pacquiao fight, and looking at your pictures.. reading your greeting cards... even scouring your emails.

I can't even sleep.

Iniisip mo kaya ako?! Do you miss me?

Please don't ask me the same questions.  Baka mapahiya ka lang.

Day 3

I went to SM MegaMall to see Allen.

Thanks a million to you know who you are for the CK Eternity Perfume and After Shave.. and the FCUK t-shirt (so it was for me "Too Busy to FCUK), really nice although it seems I should really shave off some extra pounds to get it fit on me.

I watched Superman Returns. I wish I could say this to you "I am always around. Good night Lois Lane."

I miss you.